Val Tobin Author

Receive Without Guilt, Simplify, Contemplate

by Val Tobin


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The Oracle cards mentioned in this piece can be found online at Amazon and were created by Doreen Virtue, Ph.D. The deck used here is the "Magical mermaids and Dolphins" deck.

"She was twelve years old when she told Eddie Willers that she would run the railroad when they grew up. She was fifteen when it occurred to her for the first time that women did not run railroads and that people might object. To hell with that, she thought---and never worried about it again." -- From Atlas Shrugged, by Ayn Rand.

I hold the deck of cards to my heart.

Inhale. “I ask for divine guidance.” Exhale.

Inhale. “I ask for divine guidance.” Exhale.

Inhale. “I ask for divine guidance.” Exhale.

I start my Oracle card session and focus on harmony.

I ask my guides to show me the cards that will help us all attain harmony in our lives. Before I draw any cards, I sense that contemplation will be there, and I also wonder if the card that I almost always pull for myself, “Let Yourself Receive”, will be amongst the three that I will select.

I cut the cards, and the first card I get is “Let Yourself Receive”.

I chuckle to myself--I ALWAYS draw this card. I wonder when I will reach a point where my guides are satisfied that I don’t need to get this message every day and I stop getting it. Apparently, they think that this card is important for all of us.

The message that this card brings encourages you to allow yourself to receive from others as joyfully as you would want them to receive from you. Women, especially, have a tendency to sacrifice and put other needs ahead of their own, and they become so used to giving all the time that they forget how to receive without guilt.

Society trains women to be martyrs. We learn this so well, too, that we start to unconsciously reject the abundance of gifts that the universe sends our way. The message my guides are giving us today is about actually allowing yourself the pleasure of getting as well as giving.

The universe demonstrates this lesson to me continuously in little ways.

I once attended one of those home parties where they demonstrated some really great kitchen gadgets. When the items I ordered came in, I picked them up from the hostess. Days later, she asked me what I thought of the bamboo tongs she’d put in my bag. I didn’t know what she was talking about. It turns out that she’d put a pair of tongs into everyone’s bag, but somehow, mine was missed.

This type of thing constantly happens to me. I would think that I was being picked on—as a matter of fact, I used to think that I was really unlucky and perhaps not well liked, since I’m regularly overlooked like that. Except that I know that the message I am receiving when these things happen relates to what I allow myself unconsciously to accept.

This happens because, deep down, I don’t feel that I should accept these gifts, and, the truth is, I do feel uncomfortable when I am given something for “nothing”. I think it is nice of the person, but inside, I don’t know how to accept it. It is something I learned from my family—especially my grandfather. No matter how hard we try to give him gifts and want him to feel happy to receive, he finds it hard to keep the things that people give to him, and they eventually find their way back to the giver.

Many people feel that they are not worthy of receiving. While most would claim to want to be given a free ride, and some probably really mean it, there can be a lot of unnecessary guilt attached to accepting generosity from others. Receiving with joy and without guilt should feel normal and natural. This does not advocate greed, but, rather, learning to be on the receiving end of sharing, generosity and kindness.

When we are able to receive as well as give, then our lives are more balanced and in harmony.

The second card that I draw says “Simplify Your Life”. This message is about eliminating clutter, both at home and at work.

So many of us live with too much “stuff”, too much “schedule” and too much chaos to have peace and harmony in our lives. This card is particularly applicable to me right now, as we are getting ready to move to a new home. I have an unbelievable amount of stuff in the house we just sold, and most of it doesn’t seem to be worth dragging along to the new house.

Work, too, is cluttered—not just around my desk but also in my schedule. It is exhausting. When I consider that my vacation time will be spent moving, I’m not sure how I’ll get through this year without wearing myself out. Certainly, getting rid of things that I don’t really need will be worth the effort and it’ll certainly bring harmony into my life.

I have started to read up on Feng Shui in order to learn how to balance the energy in my home and in my office. Feng Shui encourages an uncluttered environment. Clutter causes negative energy and removing it lifts your spirits and clears your mind as well as your closet. There is one other bi-product of clutter: it prevents you from attracting new things into your life—and this again signifies a difficulty in receiving.

When you rid yourself of clutter, you make room for the new gifts the universe will send your way. When you hang onto things you should be passing along or throwing out, you stop the flow of energy and block new gifts from coming into your life.

The third card I draw when I cut the deck again is the expected “Contemplation Time”.

Internalize the message this card brings, because it is most important. This card tells us to take some time to be alone, preferably in nature, to meditate on our hearts’ true desire. Contemplate on what you desire most in your life.

Sometimes we think that we know what we want, but in reality, we are only telling ourselves what we think we should want. A sense of duty or obligation to someone or something sometimes causes us to give up our dreams so that we help others fulfill theirs. But what do you really want? How can you get it? Why shouldn’t you go after it? If we are all worthy of happiness, why should we sacrifice our dreams to allow others to follow theirs?

While it is important to support the dreams and goals of our loved ones, we are not obligated to sacrifice our own aspirations in the process. Conversely, while we can expect the support of our loved ones on our quest to achieve our goals, we cannot expect them to give up their own dreams so that we can pursue ours. I do want to succeed, but I don’t want to do it in any way that compromises someone else’s integrity and free will.

To quote Ayn Rand again, "I swear by my life, and my love of it, that I will never live for the sake of another man, nor ask another man to live for mine." If you can live by that, then you will be living with the needs of others balanced with your own needs — neither being selfish nor martyred. You can let yourself receive without guilt or apology, and, when it occurrs to you that “women don’t do that” or that “people might object”, you can tell yourself “to hell with that” and never worry about it again.

References

Rand, Ayn. (1957). Atlas Shrugged. New York, NY: Penguin Group

Virtue, Doreen. (2003). Magical Mermaids and Dolphins. Carlsbad, CA: Hay House

Disclaimer: The information on this website is not intended to substitute advice from your physician or health-care professional. Before beginning any health or diet program, consult your physician

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